How to Be in D.C.: Lessons I've Learned for Life in the Beltway
November 2022
My teammates at the Vandenberg Coalition asked for my wisdom gained over the years working at the White House, National Security Council, State Department, and outside of government, which resulted in the below 14 Principles on "How to Be in D.C." Practical and philosophical advice that I try to live by. Posted here in case useful to others.
1. Always form your own opinions of people. Doing so will protect you from bad people who have enablers, and open you to good people who have enemies.
2. Invest the majority of your energy and time into people who bring positivity into your life. Toxicity will drain your precious resources. Do not invest there.
3. Some folks make the mistake of sucking up and kicking down and sideways professionally. Remember that the people below and sideways to you will be with you for the majority of your career, long after those above you have retired or left your field.
4. If an acquaintance speaks ill of someone, be warned, they are probably doing the same to you.
5. Trust is the foundation of all relationships, professional and personal. It is earned and easy to lose.
6 .Always take the high road if you are wronged. Justice can be long delayed, and in the meantime, you have not given others the power to change who you are.
7. Humility will win you few accolades in D.C., but it will garner many friends. True friends are scarce but key to accomplishing your goals.
8. Remember the people who have been there for you when they had nothing to gain from you. Be sure you are also there for people in the bad as well as the good times.
9. Always be yourself. When you do, you not only avoid being dishonestly accepted for a facade of who you are, but you also do not risk being rejected for someone you are not.
10. Enabling someone who has harmed others, especially in order to help yourself, will always reflect poorly on you. Having courage means being willing to sacrifice personal gain to do the right thing.
11. Write handwritten thank you notes whenever you can. You can never express too much gratitude to those who have helped you.
12. Do not put information in an email when delivering bad news, criticizing someone, or otherwise touching on a sensitive subject. Call or discuss in person.
13. Never humiliate someone publicly. Shame is a powerful emotion. It will burn the bridge irrevocably and is unlikely to produce the desired result.
14. When someone is cruel or short-tempered, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. You never know what people are dealing with in their private lives. Do not tolerate prolonged mistreatment, but have the capacity to forgive mistakes when people act badly under stress.
2. Invest the majority of your energy and time into people who bring positivity into your life. Toxicity will drain your precious resources. Do not invest there.
3. Some folks make the mistake of sucking up and kicking down and sideways professionally. Remember that the people below and sideways to you will be with you for the majority of your career, long after those above you have retired or left your field.
4. If an acquaintance speaks ill of someone, be warned, they are probably doing the same to you.
5. Trust is the foundation of all relationships, professional and personal. It is earned and easy to lose.
6 .Always take the high road if you are wronged. Justice can be long delayed, and in the meantime, you have not given others the power to change who you are.
7. Humility will win you few accolades in D.C., but it will garner many friends. True friends are scarce but key to accomplishing your goals.
8. Remember the people who have been there for you when they had nothing to gain from you. Be sure you are also there for people in the bad as well as the good times.
9. Always be yourself. When you do, you not only avoid being dishonestly accepted for a facade of who you are, but you also do not risk being rejected for someone you are not.
10. Enabling someone who has harmed others, especially in order to help yourself, will always reflect poorly on you. Having courage means being willing to sacrifice personal gain to do the right thing.
11. Write handwritten thank you notes whenever you can. You can never express too much gratitude to those who have helped you.
12. Do not put information in an email when delivering bad news, criticizing someone, or otherwise touching on a sensitive subject. Call or discuss in person.
13. Never humiliate someone publicly. Shame is a powerful emotion. It will burn the bridge irrevocably and is unlikely to produce the desired result.
14. When someone is cruel or short-tempered, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. You never know what people are dealing with in their private lives. Do not tolerate prolonged mistreatment, but have the capacity to forgive mistakes when people act badly under stress.